We had our first child three years after marriage. We started trying the first day we got married but every month was unsuccessful. I was troubled. My husband felt less of a man. We tried local herbs and visited many hospitals before the first baby came. We were supposed to be happy but this baby became the reason we fought every day.
She cried nonstop every day and night. We couldn’t do anything but cater to her needs. We brought in three different ladies to help but they all left us without saying goodbye. We thought the baby was sick. We took her to hospitals. After a series of tests, they brought her back saying nothing was wrong with her. We asked, “So why won’t she keep quiet?”
At night, we took turns carrying her around because she wouldn’t sleep. My husband had to go to work the next morning so he complained. “Why should I be doing this job on a night when I have to go to work early the next morning?”
I felt he was being inconsiderate. I answered, “I’ve taken care of her all the time you were away. What’s wrong if you handle her for me to get some sleep? He screamed, “Will you go to work in the morning? I go to work tired and can’t do anything. Do you want me to lose my job?”
He would be angry when the baby cried. He would scream at her as if he was talking to an adult; “Shut up! What’s wrong with you? If all kids were like you do you think parents would care for a child?”
Sometimes she would cry and both of us would ignore her. But our baby wasn’t the kind of baby you’d ignore. The more you act unconcerned, the louder she screamed. I would tap my husband with my leg. He would pull away. I would nudge him with my elbow. We both would wake up and fight while the baby lay there crying.
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He accused me of going to a fetish to get the baby; “When you secure favour from the devil, this is what you go through. Say the truth, which fetish did you visit behind me to get the baby?”
One day, he packed his things in a small bag and said he was leaving. I said, “If you dare leave this house, you’ll never come back again. It will be the end of our marriage.”
The baby was only eight months old. I had also started work so we took her to a small nursery nearby. The school owner told us she couldn’t continue to take the baby in because she was always crying. She told us, “I don’t have extra hands to help other kids because of her. She’s always screaming.”
That day my husband responded to my threat of divorce, “So be it. I won’t come again. Live with the seed you got from the devil.”
I stood in the doorway to prevent him from leaving. He nearly kicked me out of his way. I broke down and cried while the baby was in my arms and also crying. I begged him not to leave us. I told him he was all we had so he shouldn’t abandon us. I sat in the doorway, looking at him upwards. The baby stopped crying and also looked at him. He sat on the floor with us. We both looked at the baby. He asked me, “Are we sure we will want another one after this?”
We have three kids now. The two we had after the first were sober and playful. They cried only when it was needed. The first child stopped crying when she was two years old.
My husband didn’t leave that day. Instead, we had a renewed strength to keep going, to be the parents we had always wanted to be. Today, when we see her playing around, we look at her with pride as if she wasn’t the baby who nearly ended our marriage. She’s seven and great now.
Parenthood nearly ended our beautiful marriage even before we started. We are thankful we didn’t abandon each other. I asked my husband one day, “So why didn’t you leave that day when you packed up to leave?”
He answered, “You said I’m all you had. That statement made me feel like I was abandoning a ship as a captain, leaving everyone else to drown. It also showed how I was appreciated. My feet got magnetized to the floor immediately you said that.”
I had to put all the pride in me aside and beg him to stay. Just imagine if I allowed pride to win.
—Lovelace
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